In a reflective mood right now, so I figured I'd try to cough out a journal entry onto this poor dying account while the notion lasts. My world has been blessed for the last 7 months or so to know that I will be an aunt for the very first, and if my brother has any say, the very last time, of a baby boy. It has been a sole joy to me as my mental state has been sadly on the decline. Or perhaps merely on the sad, dreary level, as there must be rise before decline. A baby shower was thrown with all the trimmings, much fuss was made over the prospective mother, grandparents and great-grandparents. Baby was on the brain. After all the accoutrement of this budding new life was put aside, it occurred to me to contemplate exactly what my poor brother and sister (in-law) were getting into.

They were going to have to feed, clothe and care for this being for the rest of their lives. The first two aren't necessarily standard, but I'm not sure the last is even optional at a certain point; you just care for your child. This was more a lifelong commitment then even marriage. (This last point may be debatable, but to a loving, caring and healthy couple it most likely isn't, so the point is moot.) Since human life seems to revolve around selfishness, this is a thing of wonderment to me.

Now to underline some arguments in favor of that last statement, a question: when do you enter into something in which you expect no gain? I'm not talking merely physical gain either; I'm talking mental, emotional, monetary, everything. You go through school because it gains you means to a job. You get a job because you want money. You want money because (I'm assuming) you want to live. You want more money so you can live well. A family relationship is maintained for emotional satisfaction and well being. Sex is used to gain pleasure. A lover or partner because it gives you stability or happiness or a variety of things. Everything you do in life is a means to an end in one way or another. Even making someone else happy, or being a humanitarian is a way to gain something for yourself. Whether it be happiness from others gain or the soothing a nagging conscience. This may be a pessimistic view on how things work, but it seems to me like it applies. There is no true act of selflessness. At least that's what notion I entertained.

It came to me though, that parenthood can be, as much as fruitless love, an act of pure unselfishness. I'm not saying that in most cases it is; on the contrary, there are countless reason why parenthood could be construed with personal gain. It's a way to make money (off child welfare or foster systems), a way to ensure survival of your own genes, perhaps a desire for a being of flesh and blood who loves you, maybe the wish for family all your own, perhaps simply an heir to the estate. There are countless reasons parenthood can be corrupted into less than it should be.

But all that taken into consideration, being a mommy or daddy could be the biggest blessing a human being can receive. As one poor woman from a story cried out from her birthing bed "It will never be about me again." And it indeed it will never truly be just about you again for either partner. A parent gives more than they can ever hope or even expect to get in return. As with love, that is the great act of selflessness. In the long term, your children stand to cause you more heartache, pain, shame, guilt than almost any one factor in your life. Yet from the time they are born you know you will most likely love and forgive them all the same.

To quote a book I recently read, "it is the mark of a mother to give more in return for a bargain than what is received". To further this idea, I believe it is the mark of a parent to give more than would ever be asked or desired in return from the commitment they made by giving their child birth.